Why You Should Dump Mr. Dark and Brooding: How Twilight Translates in the Real World

To many girls, Twilight’s Edward Cullen may seem to be the ultimate boyfriend: He’s rich, charming, polite and attentive (not to mention hot!). However, he’s also fiercely protective, sometimes distant, and even pretty obsessive.

Yes, Bella and Edward are in love, but their lives are so completely intermingled with one another, important things like school, family, friends, and even the future fade into the background. That’s all fine and good when it comes to fiction, but a relationship like this is not healthy in REAL LIFE. It makes for a great love story (if you’re into extremely painful, violent, and dysfunctional melodrama like Wuthering Heights), but if you find yourself caught up in a cycle of dramatic highs and lows, maybe it’s time for you to reconsider your options.

- Dating him is a full-time job
Like an emotionally abusive boyfriend, Edward is constantly brooding and moody and monitors everything Bella says and does. She always looks to him for approval, and often feels like she doesn’t measure up to him and his world. In the book, she complains about his  behavior, noting, “Your mood swings are giving me whip lash.” The truth is, a relationship shouldn’t be THAT hard. You shouldn’t have to constantly be wondering if your significant other is mad at you or unhappy with the decisions you make about YOUR life. Love is supposed to be a partnership - not a headache or a heartbreak.

-You feel suffocated
At first all the attention and adoration feels amazing. But later? It’s like a stranglehold, dictating everything from what you wear to who you hang out with. Think about how much time you spend time fighting with him when he gets moody or upset. Do you miss out on different activities or waste your time on this frequently? Do you decide not to pursue different opportunities because you think he’ll get mad at you? Though you may think this person loves you, if he truly does, he shouldn’t be holding you back from living your life. When you’re in a relationship, it’s not just the “we” part that matters - it’s the “he” and the “she” (the unique things you EACH bring independently to the relationship) that makes it so special.

-You start to become defined by your relationship
Are you maintaining your hobbies and interests and still spending time with friends? Or are you with Mr. Dark and Brooding 24/7?  Make sure that you’re still your own person. A relationship should NOT take over your life. Though Bella’s experiences seems romantic and thrilling, she is so defined by her love, she loses herself to it. This is why she literally has a nervous breakdown in New Moon when Edward breaks up with her. If you can’t remember the last time you did anything alone or hung out with your girls, it’s definitely time to take a step back and look at the big picture.

-He gets mad about petty things
Went out without telling him? Hanging out with someone he doesn’t approve of? Tell him to get over it! Just because you’re a couple doesn’t mean he owns you. Trust is a big part of having a significant other in your life. Loving someone means putting yourself out there and trusting them to not only stay true to you, but also to your relationship. If he doesn’t trust your judgement, your friends, or the way you lead your life…well, maybe it’s time to reevaluate how he fits into your life (if at all). Unfortunately, what plays great in books and the big screen doesn’t always translate into happily-ever-after in real life.

-- By Kara Apel, University of South Carolina