How do I find a lasting relationship in college?

Thanks for voting in last month’s poll! I can’t put a guarantee on my advice, but I can definitely point you in the right direction. We are all unique and relationships reflect that uniqueness.

The most important advice I can give when it comes to finding lasting love is to follow your heart. As clichéd as that may sound, it is so important to follow your instincts when it comes to love — playing games and manipulating a situation are undoubtedly the biggest mistakes that young adults make when looking for joy in relationships.

This of course is easier advice to give than to actually practice, because when we don’t play games we are admitting our feelings and being true to ourselves and others, and that is often a very difficult thing to do. But if what you are truly asking me is “How do I find a lasting relationship?”— dare I say meaningful, life-changing, and unforgettable — the most important thing that you can do is to live honestly. Honesty to yourself and to a potential partner is essential.

Now, many of you are probably thinking to yourselves, “I am honest! I don’t play games! I put my heart on the line! But I still can’t seem to find a relationship that lasts.” What then? Well, this month we are going to look at just one part of the dating experience. An essential step in finding a successful relationship is having a successful first date! Here are some important first date do’s and don’ts that will help you get through that often uncomfortable and nerve-wracking experience.

First Date Do’s:

• Look your best. The first impression is vital. By taking the time to present yourself well, you show your date that you are excited to go out with him, and that you respect who you are as a person. Pretending like you don’t care is not attractive or appealing.
• Follow his lead when ordering. So many guy friends have told me that when they take a girl out and she orders an expensive meal, it turns them off. This is not because they are cheap! Remember: If you are dating someone in college, he is likely in the exact same financial situation as you — broke, with lots of debt. Even though men traditionally pay for dates, you should be sensitive to his financial circumstances. Let him pay if he offers, but do not take advantage of the situation.
• If the date is going well, invite him out for a second date at the end of the evening. By mentioning a potential second date you can see his reaction and determine if he’s feeling the same way as you. This will take stress off of him to come up with a second date idea. This also alleviates those anxious days following a date when many are desperately waiting for a call and wondering if he’s interested or not. Don’t know where to take him? Sorority and other club events are great second date options.

First Date Don’ts:

• Don’t reveal your entire romantic history. The best way to turn someone off is by telling them everything that went wrong in your old relationships. By focusing on your past relationships, you appear to be defined only in terms of the people you have dated. Share stories about what you love to do, your friends, and what your plans are for the future.
• Don’t drink alcohol. Being sober, and convincing your date to be sober as well, is the only way you are going to truly learn about the person you are dating. Too many young people use alcohol as a way to “loosen up” and “make conversation” — if you need alcohol to make conversation with this person, than you should move on. Alcohol will also inhibit your ability to see his true intentions and maintain control of the situation.
• Don’t be discouraged by rejection. There is nothing more attractive than confidence – once you lose that, finding love will be nearly impossible. Take it all in stride, and know that you are a great person. Finding true love is going to take time and energy. Looking for it should be a fun and exciting part of your collegiate experience. Becoming jaded is unattractive and will discourage other potential partners from finding interest in you.

Wondering how to get that first date?

Be social and don’t be afraid to approach men at parties, college events, and classes. While men often still ask for the first date, many are too shy to make the first move. We are not in grade school anymore and having a romantic interest in someone is nothing to be embarrassed about. Let your feelings be known. If he’s interested, but just shy, he’ll be so glad that you did. If he’s not, don’t waste any more time pursuing him.