The department of Holy Matrimony thrives on the concept of taking two individuals and bringing them together into one. Now don’t get me wrong, I think having a union is a crucial part in any relationship. Especially one that has made it down the aisle.
On the contrary, preserving one’s own independence and possibly even a “private” life is equally crucial. Quite often couples form by one person giving up a majority of their life to conform to the others. Sure, this works to some extent, but in the end it can lead to disaster.
For example, take the overly used movie theme of a woman who spends her life blaming her husband for the dreams she gave up to be with him. It felt necessary in the beginning, but later lead to arguments and divorce.
The point I want to make isn’t quite that drastic, but equally important. Often, collegiate co-eds get into relationships and end up taking a vacation from their friends. In short relationships this can be okay. But when relationships last longer than a week, it can turn detrimental.
Take my situation for example. Three years ago I had a great life. I had friends and hobbies and such. Then I met a great guy. We started dating and the next thing I knew, my life was his life. All of my friends were people I had met through him. All of my hobbies were things that he did.
Two and a half years later, we are still together. He means the world to me…literally. And the time has come where it is just too much. We spend so much time together that all we do is fight. And when I do get free time away from him, I have nothing. I have none of the friends that used to know me so well. We occasionally talk and it’s like talking to a stranger.
Even when I try to do the things I used to do, I realize I don’t know what they are. I cannot remember a single hobby of mine from before my relationship. I cannot remember what I really enjoy and it makes my life feel as though something is missing.
I’ve come to the realization that I have two lives. The one I am in now and my previous life. They are back-to-back and yet they are complete opposites. In my quest to be that perfect girlfriend, I have lost everything that once mattered to me.
Having other people do that to me has hurt in the past. And now I have become that girl. I have unconsciously sacrificed my own being. And for what? To feel like a half-finished puzzle.
Remembering who one is and staying true to ones self could not be more important. I can personally attest to the pain accompanied by forgetting about everything important just to be a union. I’m not saying remain single forever. I am saying that a union should be a compromise, not a complete transformation.