Want to get caught up on past entries in Jade's diary? Read chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10.

Dear Diary,

Receiving those flowers really threw me for a loop. I had totally forgotten about our anniversary. When we first broke up, little milestones like the first Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and birthdays spent without each other used to constantly run through my brain. I would become emotional and would have to fight back tears.

Thank the lord that I began to get stronger. The other day I was walking past my father with a smile on my face. He told me that it was good to see me smiling again. At that moment I had a revelation: I realized I was healing. The sight of those flowers and that card removed the scab that was developing over my heart in one fragrant gesture. The thorns from those roses were digging in my wound and making it gush with blood. I could feel my eyes beginning to swell with tears. The harder I tried to fight, the more my eyes began to swell. I knew I had lost control.

I quickly walked to the bathroom. I locked the stall door and began to cry hard. I did everything I could to keep the moans and wails suppressed in the back of my throat which only made the tears fall harder and faster. My nose began to run. Knowing the fact that I was crying over someone I hated made the desire to lose control even stronger, but divine intervention stopped me.

A voice in my mind woke up and said, "Don't let him have that type of power over you. Don't let him destroy your progress." The tears stopped.

I wiped my nose, dried my eyes, and walked out of the stall. I walked past the mirror, stopped, and looked at myself. I LOOKED LIKE A HOT MESS! My eyes were bloodshot red. The tip of my nose was red. My eyes had started to swell. Looking at myself in the mirror made me want to kill him. I went back to my desk and immediately threw them in the garbage. Then I called Denise. I told her about the flowers. She was shocked. She asked me if I was keeping them. I told her they were already in the trash and asked her why she thought he had given me the flowers. She told me it was just to screw with my head. She thought possibly he and Michelle had gotten into an argument that could not be repaired and that he was making an attempt to come back to me. If the roses were well received, then he would know that he would have entry to come back to me, his "old faithful."

After all, last summer he was about to desert me when he and I waged battle over his sudden closeness with this chick he became cool with from his Economics class last spring. Although no one knew it, last summer was a living hell. Once he became bored with her, then I became number one again. During the conversation with Denise I had an epiphany. Lindsay, the girl from last summer, was the true crack in our foundation. She was the reason why I stopped trusting him. She was the reason I began to resent him. She was the reason I felt disrespected and why I began seeking outside friends. Hell, if it wasn't for her I may not have even became a member of the Magnificent Seven.

It became so clear, Ms. Lindsay was just a player--but the real fault lies with me.

I was the one who allowed him to make me feel like I was second rate. I should have walked as soon as I started to feel that I was being pushed to the back burner. Instead, I stayed hoping that things would change. He is younger than me, so maybe he needed to get that last little bit of player out of his system before he could really be dedicated to me. What I should have realized then was that he was only showing me the blueprint of what our life would be like. Every summer he would show his ass, and in the fall he would come back fully committed to me only to repeat the same act next summer. His treachery with Michelle is proof of that.

Denise was talking while my period of revelations was going on. I tuned her out. How dare he think it would be that easy to get back into my good graces? Suddenly I had the urge to call Justin. I interrupted her in mid-sentence and told her I had to call her back. She tried to ask a question, but I rushed her off the phone. Then I began to think: if these flowers were some feeble attempt to begin reconciliation, he could forget it.

Why, just a week ago he was telling me to get the rest of my things out of his place. I can no longer afford to be a pawn in the games that "new" Justin Gardner is trying to play and I will no longer stand by and be silent where he is concerned. I borrowed a co-worker's cell phone and called the apartment. I wanted to make sure he was there. He was. I hung up immediately after hearing his voice. Just like the nosy bastard that he is, Justin called the cell phone back. To ensure that the prior phone call didn't seem suspicious I had my co-worker ask for Wendy. It was the first name I thought of since he was eating fries out of a Wendy's bag when I asked to use his cell phone. Denise called me on my Sidekick and asked if everything was alright. I told her was going to confront Justin--not tomorrow, not after work, but right now.

She asked how I knew if he was home. I told her that I just used a co-worker's cell phone to check. She warned me to wait. She told me that she could hear the agitation in my voice and told me that now wouldn't be the best time to confront him. Once again I rushed her off the phone, claiming my boss just gave me a paper to file. She tried calling me back but I ignored all her calls. I faked a migraine and told them I forgot my migraine medicine and needed to go home. I left work with the single purpose of confronting Justin. I was going to go against Denise's warning and finally tell him how I feel.

Diary, since the incident in the club with Michelle I have kept you with me to record events the moment they unfold. Today is the first time I have actually written something while the event was happening. Unfortunately I must stop this entry here as I need to remove a boulder from my chest. Justin, little do you know that I will see you in a few.