To Pay or Not to Pay: The Modern Feminist's Predicament

*The Proposal* "Um, would you maybe, well do you think you might want to maybe go out to dinner with me tonight?" Robbie timidly blurts out outside your European History lecture. "Yea sure," you reply with a surprised though thoroughly pleased smile, "That would be great. Do you want to come over to my dorm room at around 7:00?" "Okay, yea, well I'll see you then, okay, bye" he stammers. *The Preparation* Oh, those oh so few boys that actually attempt to court you by taking you on the antiquated date. Jaded by the hook up on a dance floor scene, it is so reassuring to find that stand-up guy who is really interested in maybe could it be! a relationship. It is not surprising that when asked on a date, you get all girly about things. Your date becomes the center of your friends' gossip chain and in Clueless-like fashion you plan every detail from your clothes and makeup to the conversations that you are going to initiate. Something like this might never happen again, you fear, as you prepare quickly for the oncoming hour. *The Date* He picks you up at the door and no he didn't! comes carrying a bouquet of assorted flowers. You exclaim something along the lines of "You really didn't have to" but express your sincere gratitude and comment on the prettiness of the assortment. You awkwardly hurry to place the flowers in a vase lest they should die and you can't boast of them to your friends. I mean c'mon, what guy actually brings flowers? You'll be the hit of your floor! He leads you outside and you walk to a reasonably priced restaurant on your college campus that is tolerably free from the drunken roar of the Friday evening student crowd. The meal goes by with pleasurable ease and you find yourself laughing continuously. You even make him laugh, although you never knew that you were funny. You stare at his dark, handsome features across the table and dreamily think about kissing his perfect lips. All of a sudden, the waiter places a leather envelope on your table. You stare at it. Your date stares at it. You stare at it each other. The moment of truth has arrived. After your uber-girly pre-date primping, your blushed cheeks after receiving the flowers, and your innocent giggling throughout dinner, you think, well, can I really let him pay for the bill? Maybe I should be assertive here. I mean, I really appreciate that he wants to, but I mean we can both pay for it. I should insist to pay my share; it's only fair. "I got it," he says and grabs at the check. "No really I want to pay my half," as you take out your wallet. "No, no I've got it, that's okay," he responds "No, I really want to pay." You refuse to give it up. "No stop." *The Anti-Fairytale* Alright PAUSE here is the ruin of your date. Never did you think it was going to end in an argument over the check. Never did you expect that feminist outcry from your lips that questioned the old-fashioned custom of "the guy paying." If he just paid for it, it would have been over, and wouldn't it just mean he was showing his appreciation for your company? The modern female is caught in a dilemma here. Even if she is not a participator in a women's right activist group and joins forces to march in rallies and lobby the government, she is still conscious of woman's rising role in society to the point of a respected gender. Most recently, the female has championed her way to the top of the job ladder. For the first time, she is acting as CEO and holder of some of the highest government positions. Women's firm and aggressive nature has led to the creation of laws against discriminatory wages and hiring. Basically, women are making comparable incomes to men! Women are simply no longer in the submissive position of the housewife. Of course, you don't think about the history of women's rights when you refuse to let your date pay for the check. But you have this unconscious sense that you, as an individual, should be on equal footing with others. You are just as smart, as capable, and as dominant a person as the male sitting across the table from you, so why shouldn't you take out your wallet? *Obliterating the Cinderella Story* Perhaps these circumstances warrant that it is time to quit our traditional ideas about dates. Think about the movie Pretty Woman and its underlying notion of a rich man picking up a prostitute by her bootstraps. Richard Gere is essentially saving a helpless girl. As much as this movie is in all of our DVD collections and we want to be Julia Roberts, is this the message we should be sending out to boys in real life? Or should we insist that we are an equal footing in the dating scene and, for that matter, in relationships? It is worth it to eradicate this well-worn tradition even it makes us shed a few more of our well-earned dollars. The more we assert our equanimity, the more we will be treated fairly in our own right. The more self-asserting autonomy we show, the more respect we will inevitably procure. Sure, shelling some money on a date is not going to make a difference in the long run in the history of female rights, but why not do it for ourselves? delicious | digg | technorati
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