You know, there’s funny-smart college hijinks (last month’s University of Florida zombie contingency plan saga comes to mind), and then there’s obvious stupidity that makes you question how some people get into college to begin with. Case in point: The boys over at Phi Kappa Psi chapter at the University of Arizona are currently getting a ton of flack from students and the local media over an attempt to cover up a date rape accusation by stealing 10,000 campus newspapers that featured a short blurb about the incident. And it would have worked too…if two members of the fraternity hadn’t accidently left their Spanish homework behind with the evidence.
Considering the blurb was about 250 words long and was based on an police report that “claimed” (I use quotes here only because the young woman who filed it wasn’t attacked – she drank two wonky drinks and later assumed they had GHB in them when she became sick) date rape was the intended crime, you’d think the frat would be smart enough to figure out that 1: Most people wouldn’t have noticed the blurb to begin with, and 2: Date rape accusations are unfortunately far too common and extremely hard to prove.
But the boys weren’t smart (friends and family have confirmed that the theft was ordered by “fraternity leadership”), and as anyone who’s watched enough Law & Order reruns can tell you, if you ACT guilty, 99.99% of the time you ARE guilty.
So what lessons can be gleaned from this little caper? Don’t have your pledges do your dirty work for you, don’t try to cover up a crime, and most importantly, don’t be a douche and think you can get away with spiking someone’s drink. If you can’t get any action without the benefit of a drug, it probably has something to do with your “winning” personality or the crappy fraternity you decided to join.